Some of the most beautiful illusions one in a relationship faces are created by the pink glasses and, to be honest, they are really charming. These glasses, at least for a while, do not press your head and do not make you uncomfortable, they do not get a white film when you enter a steamy room, you do not need to take them off when you go to sleep or look for them all around your house when you need to drive. As awesome as it sounds, the effects are not permanent. Dr. G. Chapman suggests that the period of being ‘in love’ might last as long as two years. Some might think that such a beginning when we talk about marriage might be discouraging but it is quite the opposite. When reality kicks in, we realise that these glasses were exactly what we needed to reach the point in our lives where we must start facing our spouse’s, as well as our own, drawbacks.
The first lesson you get in your life after getting married and starting life as a married couple is very simple – neither you, nor your significant other, are perfect. Deal with it. And there are so many ways to do it that you might feel lost forever. Or you might not be married yet and after hearing all of this you do not even want to get married anymore. Too bad, because being married is awesome even though the deal comes with some strings attached. The funniest thing you start noticing after even a short period of marriage is that the one who needs to change is you. You have such enormous power to be the one who changes weaknesses into advantages that it would be a waste not to use it, right? But before you learn to control that power, you must walk many miles to find out who you are and who your spouse is.
There are going to be countless differences between you two. You might want to cover your ear when you sleep. Your husband might want to cover his feet. And the blanket might want to take a holiday in Fiji because it is impossible to please everybody. I just want you to know that this is alright, and you are not alone, and the marital life gets better and better with every effort you make to please the other person. By doing that, you become more humble and, rest assured, even thought they might not say anything, our spouses notice as well. The second word you should learn, after writing your new surname, is ‘sacrifice’ in its most meaningful sense. The question that usually pops in our heads when we think about sacrifices is “Why me?” You must know that that is your pride talking. And the day you learn to shush it, at least for a moment, is going to be the day you enjoy the most. When you do not ask why and just do something selfless, you get back more than you could imagine. Newton’s Third Law says that every action has an equal reaction. Of course, the acts of kindness do not fall into the category of physical reactions but the principal is very similar. The more you try, the more the other person is inclined to follow your example.
To be a good example in everyday life is not easy. Did anybody ever tell you that your marital life would be simple? Didn’t think so, but there is a positive side to that: this knowledge frees you from unrealistic expectations. You know what you are dealing with. It is differences and drawbacks. You must know that it is alright. And, as the movie ‘Hoodwinked’ teaches us, we must always be prepared. The best preparation for a bride-to-be is the knowledge that there are going to be countless challenges and that it is alright, because you and your husband are superheroes, and you can save the day.
